Take Off The Mask
We are prone to value ourselves based on our deepest insecurities. So we will present a version of ourselves to others that we think they will like. We add layer upon layer until we feel safe.
It's hard to truly feel loved and valued though, when you've distanced yourself from who you truly are. It's like being loved while wearing a mask. You will always wonder if you removed the mask, would they still love you? Or would they be repulsed?
It can be scary to be vulnerable. But vulnerability is the only avenue to feel deeply loved.
One of the beauties of friendship is that we begin to see, often slowly, that we can be loved and valued for who we actually are. Good friends say: “Take off the mask, I want the real you.”
It's the same with God. Yes, He wants us to be growing. But He is not in love with a future version of you. And neither should we as friends be.
Show the rooms of your house
I was at coffee with a friend today and we were discussing the ministry group we are both a part of. I shared with him that I was thinking through how to encourage our group, who has been together for about 2 years now, to greater vulnerability. It’s hard to do the “one anothers” of scripture if you don’t know what others are struggling through, thinking, or hoping for.
I can often want to rush the process it takes for people to feel comfortable enough to share their inner hopes, dreams, fears, emotions. But it is just that, a process. My friend shared an analogy that was helpful. He said, when we invite guests over to our house, we always clean it up. You want your home to look tidy when inviting someone over for a dinner party. But there are rooms you don’t clean, because you don’t invite your guests into your bedroom bathroom, or your attic.
But as your become closer and closer friends with someone, building trust, you may risk vulnerability, by letting them see something without you having to “clean it up”. So maybe at first, you let them use the 2nd bathroom you don’t often get to clean.
In the same way we can take steps to become more vulnerable with others, we don’t have to jump to our deepest fears and regrets right off the bat. Maybe we share a simple way someone could pray for us. Or we share a work difficulty. These “opening the doors to rooms” are stepping stones that lead to greater intimacy. They help build trust.
Reflection Questions
Do you have a friendship with someone that you can be honest with about your struggles and frustrations with life? If not, do not diminish asking God to provide this. Also remember that God is always available through prayer to listen. Sounds trite, but His constant listening ear to my difficulties has always been a blessing.
Don’t simply wait for someone else to take the initiative, be the friend you wish you had.
Friendships, especially later in life, take time. Don’t give up to soon.
