Purposed Pain
Weeping. That’s the only sound I could hear reverberating around my bedroom for 6 months straight. There was no laughter. There was no singing. My heart felt as if the very tendons had been ripped from it. As if the ventricles had disintegrated within me. My blood did not flow anymore. My desire at times was for death or, at the very least, a remote that would allow me to rewind a few months or fast forward to better days. Unfortunately (or as we will see, fortunately) this remote did not exist and death was not my portion yet. So how did I get myself in such a fix as this? Well, in short, God put me there for my joy and his glory. If this sounds controversial to you, stay with me.
I’m guessing that if you are reading a post in this section it’s not simply for light pleasure reading. I’m guessing you’ve felt some of the same things I described above. Your heart has been broken and you’ve felt as if God deserted you. Your most treasured thing in life has been stripped from you and you have felt empty. First, I am so sorry you’ve felt this way and I pray you are finding joy in the Lord again. But whether you’re currently feeling this brokenness, or you have in the past, it can be hard to see any substantial purpose for pain like this. People often say things like “things will get better” or “God is still working.” If we are honest, when we hear these things, it can be hard to believe they are true. But luckily we don’t just have my grandmother’s wisdom of “just stay on the bus and one day the view will be beautiful again” but we have the Scriptures from our king to rest upon and take courage from. You are not as alone as you thought.
We hear the Psalmist cry “Lord, why do you reject me” and “darkness is my only friend,” (Psalm 88). We read Job’s lament “Why was I not stillborn; why didn’t I die as I came from the womb?” (Job 3:11) These examples of pain in the Scriptures are real and deep. They are not soft and easy pain but gut wrenching, soul crushing feelings. The Scriptures are full of pain and weeping. And don’t we feel this exact way in our deep hurt at times? Praise God we know that these feelings and experiences aren’t just for our hurt or for no purpose at all. Weeper, I want to remind you of the promises of the Lord if you are in Christ, our only hope and our “whole source of joy is in [Him],” (Psalm 87:7). Remember, Weeper, that Christ promised that he would never leave you as an orphan but rather he would send the Holy Spirit to be with us constantly, in every season of life (John 14:18-28). Remember, Weeper, how God took care of rebellious Israel in the wilderness and brought them through trial after trial. Remember, Weeper, that your greatest treasure buried in the field that you would sell all to buy is not the thing you have lost or the thing causing you pain but is rather Christ and his Kingship (Matthew 13:44-46). Remember, Weeper, the Cross where your sins were paid for and your redemption was guaranteed (Ephesians 2). Weeper, read and weep with Job. Weeper, read and sit with David in Psalm 88. “The Spirit himself testifies together with our spirit that we are God’s children, and if children, also heirs—heirs of God and coheirs with Christ—if indeed we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him,” (Romans 8:16-17).
Weeper, take up the Word of our God again. Laugh again. Sing to the Lord praises and thanksgiving. Sit in the Psalms again. Feel your heartbeat again and thank the Lord for his sovereign hand. Seek and find the great sufferers of the Scriptures and weep with them for a time and then turn your eyes to the Lord again for he is good. Praise God we serve a God that hears our prayers and acts in our lives. His arm is not too short to save! Our weeping is not wasted. Amen.
Will Ballentine
Will is 26 and from Greenville, SC. He has a Bachelors of Arts in Christian Studies from North Greenville Univeristy and is currently working on an M.Div degree with The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY.