When Life Is Hard, Love
I remember during my hospital chaplaincy, one day our team was facing some pretty difficult situations, we were trying to grapple with how to best be a chaplain to a woman who was a sole survivor of a very tragic car crash. In desperation and perhaps hopelessness, someone asked “what are we even supposed to do when we meet with her?”
The room went silent. The heaviness of grief this woman was facing fell on us. Words seemed unable to do anything to comfort. Actions felt hollow. What do you do when you walk into a room and a wave of grief, pain, and sadness envelope you?
No one had what seemed an adequate answer. After some silence, someone said: “When you aren’t sure what to do, choose love.”
For me, that felt profound. It simplifies complexity. Love.
Real life is Hard
Do we not go through situations in life with other people that seem hard and daunting? Marriages get hard. Friendships become strained. Family life has rough waters. I guess when these situations arise in all of our lives, and they will at some point, we all have choices. Will we run? Or will we stay.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves or communicate what we feel and the pain we receive from others. I’m also not saying we should stay in abusive/toxic settings, for we are called to love unconditionally, not trust unconditionally.
But when it’s not abusive or habitually toxic, what would love have us do when real life with other people gets hard? Choose love.
If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
-1st Corinthians 13:2-8
Choose patience. Choose kindness. Choose to not boast or be envious of a “better situation”. Choose not to dishonor others. Choose not to be self-seeking. Choose not to be easily angered. Choose to keep no record of wrongs. Choose to protect. Choose to cultivate trust. Choose to hope. Choose to persevere.
When you can’t love
We, mere humans, will not do these things perfectly. But take heart, we have a God who has chosen this way of love towards us. 1st Corinthians is not simply a list of ways we are to love, it is a list of ways we are loved by God. When you cannot choose love, remember you are loved.
As we experience that love from God, it can flow through us to others. It takes our hardened hearts and softens them. What component of love do you need to receive from God? What component of love do you need to extend to someone?
A lifetime of love is chosen over a million tiny decisions throughout our days.
When you don’t know what to do, choose love.
Warmly,
Josh.
