When The Life You Want Is Not The Life You Have
There is an inseparable connection between unmet good desires and propensity towards covetousness (sin).
At it’s root, covetousness is a disapproval of God’s action and God’s care for us in a specific circumstance. We are most prone towards this type of sin when we desire a spouse but are single. When we desire freedom from sin, yet still battle those old temptations. When we wait for the right job. When we desire restoration from sins consequences, yet wrestle with our mistakes. These are the times when the life we have is not the life we want. It’s a painful type of waiting.
In these moments Satan creates confusing tangles of accusations and thoughts.
“If God loved you, wouldn’t he meet this desire?”
“Look at all your friends on Instagram, God has blessed and blessed and blessed them. Where is your blessing?”
“God must be punishing you for your sins.”
These are the whispers that will cause us to doubt God. Here are a few thoughts to guide us when the life we have is not the life we want:
1- What is our reaction to unmet desire?
When that void in our hearts that longs for a good thing stays void, we must take stock of what our reaction is. Frustration? Feeling as if God owes us something? Feeling like we aren't good enough? The reality is that when we begin to feel these things, sin starts its whisper. "Come to me, I can satisfy you tonight in ways God can't or won't."
These are the whispers of sin in the moments of lack. They will always center on God’s lack of care for you. When this happens, say with the Psalmist: “You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.” (Psalm 4:7)
Your reaction signifies what you believe about God’s care for you. Hear Jesus saying to you tonight: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:39-31)
Trust God’s timing and care for you. He knows what He is doing. Your God is not unaware of where you are and is at work in ways you cannot see.
2- Understand that you've been given many beautiful things
This isn’t meant to take away from the pain of unmet desires as if we should just suck it up and be happy with what we have. But it is helpful to take some time to thank God for what he has given you. You can breathe. You have eyes (probably). You can hear. There are colors. You have a mind and can think. When you eat food, you taste flavors. Musical notes put together to create chords, and melodies, and songs. Water falls from the sky. You can write. People care about you. What beautiful things. Take some time to take stock of these.
God has been better to us than we initially think. And He has been far better to us than we deserve.
3- God sees all of you and still has chosen to love you
For me, this has been the most freeing thought. When my sins are before me, seeking to bring a crushing weight of guilt and shame upon me. I go to the cross. And know that Jesus knew my whole life before he died. He knew where I would sin in the future. He knew I would struggle. And he still died. Nothing I do will surprise God. Nothing will make him say..."I didn't see that coming, perhaps I've made a mistake." No. He goes after the dirty and loves to restore.
In this reality, I see God’s ultimate care for me. Yes, there are things in life I do desire, good things. But I know that I am His and no one can snatch me from His hand. I am adopted into His family and I am never alone in the waiting and the lack. With this as my foundation, everything else will be ok, even if I never get what I want, because I have what I need.
4- Jesus’ whole life was one of denial
Jesus knew the perfection of heaven and yet descended into the imperfection of this world. Don’t you think He knows what it’s like to have unmet desires? He was sexually pure his whole life. He asked God if there was another way instead of the cross in the Garden of Gethsemane. And yet, He was faithful at every turn. With that in mind, hear the words of Hebrews 4:14-16.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
He understands a life of unmet desire. And also the fellowship with God that happens in those moments. He knows what you are going through because He went through it as well. His care is gentle because it is informed by his sympathy and experience.
5- One day you will stand before God in all his glory
Let me implore you, please. Don't waste your life. It is a special gift to the Lord when we offer Him our painful seasons for His glory.
It’s good and right to take care of yourself. But we must also recognize from our pain we are often gifted to more genuinely love.
You have people in your life who need love and friendship. Who need someone to check in on them and care about them. Who need to see a tangible aspect of God's love through deep, caring friendship. Be that friend.
Bitter hearts sap our capacity to love others well. Oh, how a life marked by denial of self will create a loving heart for others. Use the painful gift of unmet desire for the glory of God. Use it! Let it make you more sensitive to others’ needs. Let it drive you to understand the complexities of the pain that you may be a help to others who walk in that same pain. You have no idea how God desires to use your specific season.
Get on your knees and offer God this time. What a beautiful gift. Use it for the sake of others. You will be like Jesus. This life is not the only one.
6- It's ok to be upset
Be honest with yourself and God about how you feel in this season. Read the psalms, it's full of people who love God, yet are utterly honest about what they feel! He can handle your honesty. Don't harbor those feelings. Work them out with the Lord. Give God the keys to any part of your heart He wants to go. Then, as John Piper says:
"Occasionally weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life you have."
Your life is not meaningless. You have a purpose. You have been saved (past). You will be raised (future). And you are being sustained (now) by His grace. You do not have to earn it. He lavishes it upon you. Be with Him. Use your life for His glory. And when we stand before Him, the greatest pleasure will be Him. Every faithful moment of unmet desire will have been worth it.
Our ultimate hope is not in God giving us all that we desire, but that He will be enough when the life we have is not the life we wanted. We also trust that He delights to make all things new and our present reality is not ultimate.
Offering this season of unmet desire to God,
Josh.