Life Begins In The Waiting
One of the most painful things in my life has been the act of waiting. We all face this at some point. We wait for a spouse. We wait for children. We wait for the right job. We wait for depression to leave. We wait for our loved one to cherish Jesus. And when we get old enough, we wait to die.
Waiting. It can cause a lot of anxiety in us. As we look around and see other peoples dreams fulfilled it brings up accusing questions. Why are they more worthy than I? Not only are the questions painful, as if our inadequacy is the culprit behind our waiting season, but some of the pain that comes from waiting is the recognition that whatever we are waiting for is in a lot of ways outside of our control. My greatest temptation when I’m in a waiting period isn’t to think it’s meaningless, but to believe the lie that life doesn’t begin until my waiting is over.
“My greatest temptation when I’m in a waiting period isn’t to think it’s meaningless, but that life doesn’t begin until my waiting is over.”
How do we move beyond simply tolerating the waiting season?
I remember a couple of months ago I was at my grandparents house. I was supposed to go hang out with a friend after that, but this rain storm was coming through— I decided to just wait at their house. I was pretty bummed because I had already spent a lot of time there and was ready to leave. Then it dawned on me, like a gentle reminder from the Lord. "Josh - you are with your grandparents right now. Spend this moment with them, the rain will end soon and you will be on your way. Be present where you are. Don't miss this moment hoping for the next."
That story is a lot like our waiting seasons, isn't it? We can become so fixated on what we desire in the future that we forget to be present where we are. Truly this is the key if we want to find peace in our waiting seasons. It does not come from saying "I’ve just gotta coast through this, but once I get where I want to be, then I can live". Instead, peace comes when we accept where we are and are present there. It wasn't until I made the decisions to be present with my grandpa and sit with him, asking about what books he had been reading lately, that I started to enjoy the momentary wait. It turned from a burden, to a time of rest. A time of peace.
We were sitting at his dinner table and he was showing me something in a book he was reading. I could tell how much it meant to him. He was delighted to show me what God was teaching Him and in turn that was a beautiful moment for our relationship. It felt restful, easy. Like what C.S. Lewis calls the “golden sessions”. I would've missed that moment with my grandpa, and it’s blessing, had I not been present. Waiting seasons have struggles for sure, but also their blessings, some of which only come to us when we decide to be faithfully present in them.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me" (Psalm 23)
This Psalm is about the Lord leading us. What if in our productivity addicted culture we confuse the potential blessing of the green pastures and the still waters with the valley of the shadow of death because we detest the stillness of waiting? Everybody likes the idea of the still waters until you’re there- and you find that there is nothing to do but wait. While you are there, don’t miss the blessing of the waiting season. Life doesn’t begin after you are done waiting, it starts in the waiting. I didn’t see the beauty in the waiting at first. But I learned that the deepest beauty in our waiting is that it provides us, perhaps more than any other season, with a space for intimate fellowship with God.
Waiting is hard
I get it, waiting is hard. We want to be doing. We want to be producing and “making our life happen”. But if you're in the green pasture you're not out planting. And while that feels so counter-intuitive to how our culture is shaping us. Isn't the stillness the exact place the soul is restored, according to the text? This is the difference between passively waiting and faithfully waiting. Can you trust that the Good Shepherd has led you to the right place at the right time? He knows what you need more than you do. Maybe you need the waiting season right now.
“The green pastures and the still waters are only restorative to your soul if you let them be. In God’s graciousness though, he will break your leg if He must. He will make you lie down, for your own good.”
For me, the waiting has offered the stillness and quiet needed to work through some of my insecurities and wounds. One of the reasons I am so prone to hate waiting is because when I don't have something to busy myself with, the silence allows me to hear my own thoughts. In that silence I see my real self. I see my insecurities and my doubts. Being busy is a lot easier than working through those with God. But when I work through those with God, not only do I grow, but I also experience an intimacy with the Lord that only the stillness of the waiting season allows for. The green pastures and the still waters are only restorative to your soul if you let them be. In God’s graciousness though, he will break your leg if He must. He will make you lie down, for your own good. The sooner you give into the process and are present where you are, the faster you will find rest and peace.
I always thought it was interesting that Psalm 23 said "He makes me lie down in green pastures." But now I get it. This season of waiting I’ve been made to lie down. And through much difficulty, imperfection, and fighting to trust God. I can say, my soul is being restored.
It’s kind of like that evening with my grandpa. The Lord is at the table. The chair beside him is open and there is a smile on his face, saying “Come sit for a while, let’s chat.” You can detest the waiting and sit on your phone in the living room, waiting for the the season to pass. If you do that though, you will miss the intimacy with God. Instead, you can hope for the promised future while sitting in the stillness with God. That’s not as passive as it feels, it’s faithfulness marked by humble waiting. Waiting is less about what you get at the end and more about who you become. And if you do that, you will find that in the stillness of the waiting, God is there. He’s not requiring any work of you. Just to come, sit a while, and be still.
Learning to sit by the still waters,
Josh.
